in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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