i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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