Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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