You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
