She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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