seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
As shirtless as possible
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
