I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
