We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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