I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
