no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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