the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
