Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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