Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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