it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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