i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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