The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
