I think I won the penis lottery.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Of course I have a pirate flag
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
