Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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