Old men and throwing up are my life now.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
