if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
