I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hippo gnu deer
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
