Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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