It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
