So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
