Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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