then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
