The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
