Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
