Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
