Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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