hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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