exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
What drink are we having for lunch?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
