...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
