sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
