If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
