Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
