I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
