So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
