I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
