how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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