i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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