Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
