so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
