we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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