Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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