when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
