She's JV to your varsity
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
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From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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