If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
