The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
