The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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