Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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