Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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