Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
They have beer where we have blood.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
