I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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