belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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