I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
