They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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