So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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