So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
