So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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