Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
