Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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