Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
