Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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