I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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