it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
