do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
