i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
