I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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