Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
