Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
